It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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