Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
