When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
