Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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