I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Barsexuality is the new black.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
