Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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