Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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