i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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