Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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