What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
