So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
