how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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