I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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