Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
