If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
