So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
