my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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