he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
