my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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