Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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