i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
