U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
