We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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