He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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