I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
