the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
