Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize