my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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