I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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