Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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