he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
