I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
