Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
