my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
