my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
did i just pee glitter
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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