This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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