i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Actions speak louder than pants.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
