Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's get the cat blown out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
