I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
