i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
