Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
