i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
