i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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