VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
