I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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