Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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