They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
