I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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