thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she looked like the before picture.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
