Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
