alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize