So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
wow bdsm is so cute
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize