What did we do last night that was yellow?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
