just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
