Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
