You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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