The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
