I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
