This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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