You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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