i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
